Chronic Fatigue

It's Like, So Amazing

Q: What do the following words have in common?

"awesome", "fascinating", "incredible", "marvelous", "prodigious", "shocking", "stunning", "surprising", "unbelievable", "wonderful"

A: They are all synonyms for "amazing".

However...you don't hear any of those other words used much anymore.       Because the only adjective that gets used to describe anything these days seems to be "amazing".

Have you noticed that right now, absolutely everything is "amazing"?  It is the adjective du jour.  Every time I overhear a cell phone conversation on the bus  (which is a lot more often than I'd like), it's pretty much guaranteed I will hear the phrase, "It was amazing".  If it's a twenty-something who is having the conversation, then it was "...like, SO amazing."  They might be describing last night's pizza, a new brand of lip gloss or the latest episode of "Lost"...makes no difference.  Whatever it was, it was amazing!

Remember when everything was described with that other A-word, "awesome"?  Mercifully, "awesome" gave way to "amazing".  Which would have been just fine, except now there is only "amazing".  Apparently, we as a people are only capable of using one adjective at a time.

Earlier this year, Larry King hosted a pre-Oscars show featuring the cast of the musical, Nine.  His celebrity panel included everyone from Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz and Fergie to Daniel Day-Lewis, Sophia Loren and Dame Judi Dench.  At one point, Larry asked each person on the panel to describe what it was like to make this movie.   Every one of them - including the esteemed Dame Judi - answered exactly the same way: "Oh, it was just amazing."  I waited to hear Sophia Loren's answer.  Surely, the legendary Ms. Loren would never say, "It was amazing" - but sure enough, she added her "amazing" to the chorus.  Then Larry asked the director, Rob Marshall, what it was like to work with such an amazing cast.  His answer?  "What can I say, Larry?  It was just amazing."

I have to admit, I am not immune from using the A-word.  In fact, I use it way too often.  It's become so automatic, I have stop mid-sentence and force myself to describe something as "incredible" or "wonderful" (I still refuse to say "awesome"...and if I ever did, there would be gales of laughter).

There was a time when "amazing" was reserved for people and things that were truly amazing - usually circus acts, magicians, comic book characters or natural wonders.  The Flying Wallendas?  Now, they were amazing.  The Amazing Houdini?  He definitely earned the "Amazing" part.  The Amazing Spider-Man?  Hey, anyone who can scale a 30-story skyscraper and look good in Lycra is amazing in my book.  Niagra Falls...The Grand Canyon...Mt. Everest?   All pretty darned amazing.

But today, everything from a goat cheese salad to Taylor Swift's latest CD qualifies as "amazing" (the fact that Taylor Swift is even a recording star...well, that's what is truly amazing.  But I digress).

I never cease to be amazed at how one word can catch on and suddenly, it's the only word anyone ever uses.  You know, it's just like, so, um, unbelievable.

Fickle Finger of Fate

A picture is worth a thousand words...

And right now, I'm lucky if I can peck out even a hundred words with..."The Claw".

If you've been wondering why I haven't written anything for over a month, this is my excuse.  Yes, it's my RIGHT hand...I broke my finger...had surgery...no, I'm not sure how long I'll be in the cast.  And yes, it's a colossal pain in the butt.

I've also discovered it can be a learning experience. I have learned that when one's hand is in a giant cast/sling contraption, one gets a lot of attention. People are mostly sympathetic and incredibly helpful, and naturally, I milk that that for all it's worth ("it's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to...") Others just ignore you, don't hold the door, or walk right into you (when you're trying to protect your injured limb, walking down a busy city street is like a giant game of Chicken... almost everyone will try their best to bump into you). Homeless people still ask for handouts - I guess they think I'm faking it.

I've also learned that virtually everyone will ask, "How did you do it?", even if they don't really want to know the answer. That's ok. By now, even I'm bored with the story.

So the bad news is, I can't blog much.  But that's also the good news.  At least for now, you get a break from my ranting.   Enjoy it.

Crimes and Moisturizers

I spend a lot of time in Walgreens.  You might even say I pretty much live there. 
So I'm highly attuned to even the slightest changes at the stores.

Lately, I've noticed a disturbing new trend.  The store is locking up certain merchandise behind glass (or rather, Plexiglass).  If you wish to purchase an item, you must find a sales clerk (always easier said than done), and have them unlock the case to give you access to said item.  It's annoying, to say the least. 

At first, the only items that were being "guarded" in this fashion were disposable razors.  I had to ponder the reasoning behind this; had 6-packs of plastic Bic razors become a new favorite among shoplifters?  I suppose there was some logic at work here; shoplifters care about personal grooming... they need to shave...and those disposable razors really are a bit pricey.  Or was it something even more sinister?  Maybe knives had become too expensive, and now Bic razors were being wielded as weapons. It was all a bit odd, but I was willing to give Walgreens the benefit of the doubt.  Drugstore crime must be worse than I thought.

But it didn't stop there.  Next, I noticed that selected skincare products were also now under lock and key.  These tended to be the higher priced items - usually in the $15-20 range.  Apparently, thieves suffering from dry skin, under eye bags or crow's feet don't waste time with  Pond's Cold  Creme or Noxema. They're after the hard stuff; L'Oreal Skin Genesis with Pro-Retinol A is a favorite, as is the popular Olay Regenerist line.  I picture a team of shoplifters scoping out the joint; "Hey, I'll grab the Olay Age-Defying Anti-Wrinkle Eye Cream and when no one's looking, you go for the Regenerating Serum...it's proven to visibly minimize pores."  

Great.  So now my Firming Serum is also under lock and key.  Maybe it's for the best - the stuff's getting too expensive anyway (as an unintended consequence of their overzealous efforts to deter criminals, Walgreens is probably losing a lot of legitimate sales).

What's next?  Is Walgreens going to lock up every item in the store?  Is my favorite pharmacy turning into a veritable Fort Knox?  Just about.  This week, to my horror, I discovered an entire shelf of stomach remedies and antacids had joined the forbidden items.  What?  Is there a black market in Maalox?  Are there huge stockpiles of Mylanta and Maximum Strength Zantac stashed away in dingy warehouses around the city?  Are corner drug dealers now trafficking in Pepto Bismol? ("Pssst...over here...I've got some really good stuff this week...you know, the pink stuff...it soothes and coats...").

I know shoplifting is a legitimate problem.  But this is getting ridiculous.  On the few occasions when I asked a hapless Walgreens clerk to please unlock the case so I could buy something, I quickly regretted it.  Inevitably, the key to the case is nowhere to be found, so the clerk must wander off in search of it - a quest that can take upwards of 15 minutes...if you're lucky.  Sorry, but I don't have the time or patience to wait that long to buy a box of Pepcid AC.  Maybe next time, I'll just buy it from that suspicious looking character on the corner.