Reach Out And Reject Someone

Anyone who has ever applied to an online job posting knows there is no more frustrating, dehumanizing process than filling out boxes on a long, electronic job application and then sending your carefully crafted cover letter and painstakingly customized resume into the Cyberspace equivalent of the Black Hole.  The system is intentionally designed to give the job applicant (you) a minimum of contact with the job provider (them). 

Of course, that assumes that there's even a them on the other end to admire your brilliant prose and impressive credentials.  More likely, there's merely some computer software scanning your resume for key words.

Whatever you do, don't expect a response.  These days, you have a better chance of landing a spot on "Idol" or losing that last five pounds than ever hearing back from an HR person or recruiter.

Sometimes, though, you do hear back.  And on those rare occasions, I've noticed that the responses all tend to sound strangely alike.  As a matter of fact, they sound exactly alike.  

In an effort to put the "human" back in Human Resources, the folks in charge of hiring have latched on to a stock phrase to say "thanks, but no thanks".  It usually goes something like this: 

"Dear so-and-so: 

We received your resume.  Thank you for reaching out to us.  We appreciate your interest in Company X and will keep your resume on file in case an appropriate opportunity arises."

Thank you for reaching out to us??  The first time I heard this, I thought it sounded warm and fuzzy. . .you know, kind of a New Age-y approach to the standard rejection letter.  But by the fourth or fifth time, it finally dawned on me:  "thank you for reaching out to us" is now the official jargon used by virtually every HR person and recruiter in the nation.  It's basically Corporate-ese for     "HA! HA! HA!  Are you &^%% kidding me? ?  We've received 8,000 resumes in the last hour alone. . .oh, and did we mention the job pays only slightly higher than the starting salary for greeters at Wal-Mart?".

Look, the job-hunting process is daunting, at best.  It's always nice to get an      email back, regardless of how it's worded.  So if you've responded to my application, thank you.  It can't be easy facing an Inbox full of highly qualified, hopeful applicants, all competing for the same, underpaid position.  Maybe the "reaching out" thing is simply a kinder, gentler way of dealing with doling out rejection on a mass scale.  Or, more likely, you're just following the directions in your company's HR manual.  I understand.  It's stressful for you, too. 

But whenever I hear that phrase, I can't help thinking of someone who is safely aboard a crowded lifeboat, yelling to some poor soul who is bobbing in an icy, shark-infested sea, "Sorry, there's no room in the lifeboat right now, but thanks for reaching out to us!"

Memo to those in the lifeboat:  Don't get too comfy.  Sure, you may be safely in the lifeboat today.  But tomorrow, you could be out here with the rest of us, treading water and composing endless cover letters.  Face it, there aren't even that many lifeboats to go around anymore.  You could be just a budget cut away from being the one reaching out to those nameless, faceless recruiters in Cyberspace.

If that happens, don't panic.  Remain calm.  Re-format your resume.  Proofread your cover letter (again).  Then hit "Send". . .and get used to the sound of silence while a robot reviews your qualifications and deems if they are worthy of sending on to an actual (overworked) human.

Your next job is out there. . .just out of reach.

Comments

[Rob Hatfield]

Absolutely. I was laid off and experienced the same thing. Nothingness. Even from companies who had positions for which I was uniquely qualified. Luckily, after treating myself to 2 weeks in St. Croix to celebrate being unemployed, an old acquaintance called and announced he was starting an agency and would I move back home to be the Creative Director. Ahhh, what timing. My stars sure were aligned for that one!

[Rob Hatfield]

P.S. I gave up on writing cover letters. I have a sneaking suspicion that they are receiving too many to read. Probably going straight to the meat. And I became too tired and despondent to be clever anymore, especially for the mere amusement of someone who really didn't care--just needed a body to put in a slot. Too jaded? Probably.

[Jake P]

Chronic, I get the feeling that nowadays it's a small victory to hear anything. As to whether it's a lame-ass phrase like "reaching out," I suspect you're right that it's an attempt at kinder-gentler. Currently, I get an email or two a week from freelancers looking for spillover work from me. My thought bubble is, "In this economy? Are you kidding me?", but my actual response is more gracious.

@Rob, congrats on the new position.