Transform Your Whole Life in 60 Days! (Actual Time May Vary)

Sorry that I haven't posted anything for a while.  I've been busy trying to          reinvent myself. 

"How's it going?" you ask.  Uh, not so great.  In fact, if you must know, I've made remarkably little progress.

Where do you even start when you're told you need to "reinvent yourself for the 21st Century" or wind up eating catfood?  (The un-reinvented me was more than acceptable in the previous century, but hey, this new century is a bitch).

Reinvention is big right now - for good reason; the current economic crisis has forced many of us into survival mode.  Like it or not, we have to reinvent ourselves.  And we hope we can figure out how to do it before we find ourselves flipping burgers at McDonalds on the nightshift.

It's scary.  But we don't have to go it alone.  A whole industry has conveniently sprung up to exploit, um, guide us through the reinvention process.

There are endless self-help books about how to reinvent yourself.  A gazillion websites are devoted to the topic.  Personal coaches are coming out of the woodwork, eager to help you on your road to reinvention (or, as they say, while you are "in transition").   There's even a Reinvention Institute - their website cheerfully proclaims, "We are the Reinvention Institute, your partner in transformation".  The site offers a myriad of products to help facilitate your transformation, including the "Momentum eKit" ("...to keep the ball rolling!")...yours for a mere $79 (minus shipping and handling).

Pick up just about any women's magazine, and you'll find endless, "inspiring" real-life stories of midlife women who "reinvented" themselves only to find greater happiness, success and satisfaction than ever before. O, The Oprah Magazine, is the Bible of Reinvention.  Which isn't surprising, since Oprah practically invented "radical reinvention" and has created a mega-empire from it.  Virtually every issue features stories with titles like "Transform Your Whole Life in 60 Days! - One Woman's Incredible Journey"  or  "How to Become the Person You Were Meant to Be" (that might take more than 60 days...better allow at least six months).

These stories are meant to inspire us; and sometimes, they do.  It's inspiring to read about Middle Aged women who gave up secure but boring jobs to pursue their passion, whatever that may be.  Like the woman in the recent  MORE Magazine story titled  "Extreme Reinventions"  who "quit her job as a corporate Marketing Executive to become a professional rodeo barrel racer!"  Or the former editor-in-chief of Playgirl magazine who found fulfillment as an ordained interfaith minister (no, I'm not making this up).

Frankly, I've always been fascinated by these stories.  In fact, I've needed these stories.  We all want to believe that it's possible to reinvent oneself...to make a meaningful, midlife career change...pursue a dream...have a "second act".           And I give credit to anyone who actually does it.

The underlying premise behind all these stories is that reinvention - even late in life - is just a matter of pluck, passion and determination.  If you are willing to "follow your bliss", work hard, and take some risks, you will be rewarded with a meaningful new career, a satisfying new life, a fresh start.  You might even make a fortune and never have to send out a resume again.

Well, maybe.

You see, I've noticed a pattern with lots of these stories.  More often than not, you discover that the woman who "started her own fashion line after 40" didn't just have a passion for fashion...she also happened to be married to a hedge fund manager (what we used to call a "Sugar Daddy"). 

Or that the woman who "always dreamed of having her own restaurant" is actually a former, high-paid fashion model living in a villa in Tuscany who can now well afford to "risk" going to culinary school and "follow her dreams".

And the woman who quit her boring Accounting job to devote herself to full-time volunteer work?  Well,  there's this one, tiny detail:  she just happened to have a large inheritance to fall back on.

The salient point buried in many of these stories is that women who successfully "reinvent themselves" in midlife often possess more than guts, passion and initiative; they possess a healthy bank account (theirs or their hubby's).                 In other words: they are already financially secure. 

That rather significant disclaimer is at the heart of many (not all) "reinvention" stories.  And for me, it's always a colossal bummer.  Which is probably why every time I read one of these accounts, I inevitably have what Oprah likes to call an "Aha" moment.  Because while these  dramatic "life transformations" may seem "inspiring" and "brave",  it just doesn't count as much if the person is already independently wealthy or has some other means of financial support!

Case in point:

At MORE Magazine's third annual "Reinvention Convention",  New York real estate mogul, Barbara Corcoran,  told an audience of midlife women how she was faced with reinventing herself after her first business closed.  It was a painful time...and she learned a lot.   The celebrated broker shared her "10 Lessons of Reinvention".  She offered up "hard earned advice" such as  "Good things come out of insecurities" and "When making new contacts, don't forget 'thank-you' follow up emails".

I suspect she left out Lesson #1: Before you reinvent yourself, it helps to sell your first  business for $77 million dollars.  Let's face it, that kind of cash can be a comfort when you are "jobless", over forty and struggling with your identity.

I am reminded of a popular self-help book that came out in the early 1990s.      The book was called  Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence.  The radical idea behind the book was that by spending and consuming less, people could leave the corporate rat race to pursue their dreams and find real happiness.  According to the blurb on the back cover, the authors, Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin "took back their lives by gaining control of their money.  They both gave up successful - and stressful - careers in order to live more deliberately and meaningfully."  As one reviewer gushed, "This is one of those rare books that can really change your life!  The authors live their own advice, and it works."

Since a sucker is born every minute, I immediately plunked down my $15.95 for the book, eager to discover Joe and Vicki's "inspiring and empowering" nine-step program that held the secret to financial independence, greater personal satisfaction and inner peace.

About eight pages into the Prologue, I unearthed the secret: it turns out that at age thirty-one, Joe Dominguez "retired from his career on Wall Street - never again to accept money for any of his work."  That same year, he met Vicki.            "Her open mind and substantial savings allowed her to recognize the value of Joe's new road map for money and apply it to her own life."

Translation: Joe had Wall Street money and he married well.  His wife, Vicki, didn't just have an "open mind" - she had an open wallet.  Bingo!

After I learned the truth about Joe and Vicki, their book lost all credibility;        after all, the authors were living off their substantial savings and were obviously set for life.  My feeling is, once you're set for life, it's a lot easier to focus on "attaining a wholeness of livelihood and lifestyle" (i.e. live frugally and learn to stick to a budget ...which, as it turns out, was the core message of the book). 

Reinvention is a swell idea.  But try telling a single Mom who works two jobs and earns minimum wage that if she just "followed her dreams", she could go to medical school and become a heart surgeon.  Or that an older, unemployed woman without a rich hubby can - and should - start a gourmet chocolates company because that's her "passion".  Sorry, it just doesn't work that way - especially in today's tenuous economy.

These sunny stories of radical reinvention make it sound as if reinventing oneself was as simple as changing your hair color or trying on a new outfit.  The whole notion of "reinvention" is way too facile.  Worse yet, it's downright misleading. 

The truth is, try as we may, most of us will never reinvent ourselves.  We may learn new skills.  We may even take a stab at a new career.  But mostly, we'll      just muddle through with our un-reinvented selves, make whatever adjustments we can, tinker around the edges, try to adapt and be resilient, keep plugging away, and hopefully, somehow manage to survive in an increasingly challenging and unforgiving world.

I know that's a downer.  But it's a lot closer to the truth than what Oprah would like us to believe.

Reinvention may be a necessity.  But these days, it's also a luxury that only a few can afford.

Comments

[Angela]

Pick up just about any women magazine, and you will find endless, inspiring real life stories of midlife women who reinvent themselves only to find greater happiness, success and satisfaction than ever before. The Oprah Magazine, is the Bible of Reinvention.

[Angela]

Pick up just about any women magazine, and you will find endless, inspiring real life stories of midlife women who reinvent themselves only to find greater happiness, success and satisfaction than ever before. The Oprah Magazine, is the Bible of Reinvention.

[Marcie Judelson]

Angela - Did you mean to post a comment?
This is an excerpt from what I wrote.

[Singulair]

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